In the previous column, extensive highlights were made of the strategies for cultivating self-assertive and self-confident attitude by people with disabilities. A unique characteristic of a majority of people with disabilities, according to Psychology for the Disabled today (2021 Edition) is an inability to communicate or aggressively express their true feelings, particularly in a mixed, social gathering.
Unassertiveness does a meaningful amount of harm to individuals who have trouble speaking up and expressing their own perspectives.
People have stopped trying. Individuals have become cynical about humanity. Unassertive persons have sunk into clinical depression because they not only feel muted, but they feel completely unloved and unaccepted.
However, just what is self-assertiveness? What does it mean to be self-assertive? Is aggression essential to self-assertiveness? How may one be self-assertive without coming off as aggressive and brash? These are relevant questions that are answered in this article.
Simply, we provide answers to questions regarding self-assertiveness, including the pitfalls of expressing our feelings and anger. We want to make sure that people who are just practicing assertiveness do so in a fairly appropriate way.
What exactly is self-assertiveness? Self-assertiveness is speaking up when it may be hard to, standing up for yourself and others when it is difficult to, respecting yourself, listening, not letting others walk over you. Self-assertiveness is saying NO, particularly when you are not expected to decline an idea, an offer, or an “invitation”. Self-assertiveness is being self-assured, being confident without being aggressive. Still, self-assertiveness is a tool that can improve your communication and social skills.
- Does being abusive when you are abused mean assertiveness? Absolutely not. The key idea in assertiveness is speaking up, expressing yourself clearly within acceptable social parameters. But of course, there are going to be obnoxious people who are going to want to stop you and put you down over your self-expression, yet, it is essential to maintain your stance- strongly but respectfully.
- If I speak up, would people listen to me? Yes, people will listen to you if you assert yourself in a very appropriate, meaningful way. However, there is no guarantee that people will follow up with your ideas or opinions. But certainly, you do have a responsibility to contribute to narratives.
- I am having trouble being assertive. What may I do? We have discussed strategies for self-assertiveness in the last column. Some of these strategies include having excellent self-awareness skills, cultivating a broader mindset, and self-confidence.
- Can I have one example of self-assertiveness? A good example of self-assertiveness is supposing that as somebody with deafness, you have been watching a particular television channel that has captioning when at the same time, several numbers of hearing others in a room express their interest in another channel. The channel that you’re seeing, there is a caption- you are able to read the text on the monitor of all that’s being said. And, of course, the hearing group can also hear and see the captioning—only if they wish to see it too. Now it is you versus 7 people. And the hearing people, sending that you are the only person—who is also deaf. Hence, they want to have a field day because they have seen somebody to take for a ride.
The group of 7 just implicitly assumes that they are much more than you and a channel should favour them.
The fact is, people know that PWDS are a minority in whatever locale we inhabit—hence, non-disabled persons are willing to exploit the vulnerabilities of people with disabilities. This is a common occurrence in today’s society.
“Sorry, man, it is 7 versus 1. We win, you lose.” Asserted the hearing group of 7
While it may be unknown if these people are communicating this respectfully or they are trying to favour themselves at your detriment on account of your disabilities, it would be very appropriate if you went ahead and assert yourself. Asserting yourself here—if you really need to continue to access that channel that, of course, they can also enjoy.
Now, you have two choices: you either agree or disagree. If you agree, that’s no humility. That is your decision. However, if you respectfully stand up to them and appropriately disagree with their decision, you are asserting yourself. And not only would you feel better by such a decision, but you will ‘win’ more and earn more respect which is good for your self-esteem, and ultimately your level of productivity.
How can I assert myself in this situation?
Affirm: Guys, that’s not right. My deafness or not—I don’t know– I have as much right to see that channel. Every one of us can access this channel. It has audio and it has captioning. I understand that a lot of us want to see your channel. But I do not want to because I do not like it. I did not agree to a “vote”.
Assert: I feel bad because nobody had considered it fairly
Action: I don’t know what we are going to do about this impasse. But you should not force me to like a channel I do not like to see.
The above events show the power of self-assertiveness in the following ways:
- It is a communication style and strategy.
- It is a social and communication skill.
- It is speaking up, saying NO.
- It is listening to others.
- It is respecting oneself
- It is knowing and understanding oneself.
- Self-assertiveness is understanding the dynamics in your environment (how does it work? Then challenging the “How” by “Why”, and perhaps suggesting “What”.