In this essay, the focus is on one of the greatest personal challenges facing individuals with disabilities. Simple, but compellingly-written, a discussion is made of the frameworks and the dynamics of self-assertiveness, including the implications of unassertiveness on the part of the disabled. Finally, I provide strategies for this particular challenge.
Unassertiveness is an inability for self-expression. Unassertiveness has nothing to do with the inability to use the tongue to express our thoughts—like some members of the Deaf population may experience due to deafness. Unassertiveness is our inability to express our opinions and ideas because we are afraid to.
Unassertiveness is often a result of low self-esteem, poor self-efficacy, and poor self-image.
But the inability of us to express our feelings honestly is a universal problem, and not restricted to the disabled alone. While non-disabled people may also have trouble with clearly expressing themselves, unassertiveness is more widely prevalent among the population segment that includes persons with disabilities.
Deaf people—also due to physiological language deprivation—may have trouble expressing themselves, their anger, their innermost, and truest feelings, because we do not want to face rejection or be labeled as “sorrowful people.”
In fact, a Deaf person may feel they do not ‘need’ to communicate because they do not speak good English and so, fear others will ridicule them for ungrammatical English.
Many people with disabilities are in tremendous psychological distress because they are morbidly unwilling to share their feelings and beliefs among a sea of others. Day after day, we see individuals quiet down, and become shut down for their lack of self-confidence to disagree and make objections to a popular idea in a mixed company. We are afraid to speak up. It is a lousy way to live.
However, the issue of unassertiveness among people with disabilities cannot be more serious. Already by far the most underestimated, most under-valued, and least represented in the society, people with disabilities, by default, are not expected to unearth their feelings or unleash their pent-up emotions, and civilly and respectfully disagree or affirm their rights as persons. Without a doubt, a large proportion of the society wrongly understands the disabled, Deaf people in particular to be persons who are dumb-unable to speak.
For the disabled, the consequences of unassertiveness are even greater. You would have trouble with self-esteem, self-worth, and self-efficacy which all potentially translate into low personal productivity- you would never be able to do anything right, let alone innovate because you are afraid others are going to criticize you or maltreat you.
Suppressing one’s feelings and emotions doesn’t make these feelings go away. They simply go underground and cause damage. Getting gagged and unable to assert yourself and your values in a diverse society is the worst thing that you can do to yourself as an individual with special needs.
Below are five strategies that you can use to practice self-assertiveness.
- Develop Humility and Self-awareness Skills. Arguably the finest definition, humility is understanding oneself, and one’s uniqueness, including your strengths and weaknesses, and bringing that knowledge into play when you are dealing with others. But you do not have to practically communicate them out. If you want your voice to matter, to be relevant, it is important to know and understand your own inner voice. Hence that gives you a sense of balance and mental clarity. To effectively practice assertiveness, know thyself.
- Have Self-confidence. After excellent knowledge of self comes improved self-concept- just what and how do you feel about yourself, just in terms of what you do you define yourself and how. Self-confidence is a belief in your own ability. It is poise. Self-confidence is a key mental attitude to affirming and asserting yourself in an increasingly manipulative society.
- Adopt Tactfulness and Diplomacy. Before you effectively make affirmations, assertions, and actions, it is essential to cultivate tact and diplomacy. There are going to be extremely difficult people. There are going to be obnoxious persons who will look down and try to detour you, that is, keep you from maintaining an assertive stance. Rather than be discouraged, show tact but measurable strength. To have the poise for self-expression, you have to learn to be tough, yet diplomatic. But the most key of all is understanding how to show strength but as well as civility and respect in social groups.
- Have a Broader Mindset. You cannot always be right. No is. You cannot be relentlessly uncompromising- not always. You learn to bend when the occasion demands and go with the flow- as the case may be. Compromising isn’t a weakness; it is a tremendous strength. But it is also strategic. To be effectively heard via self-assertion, the way to do that is to create a space where a lot of ideas are presented and collide, and people are having arguments, and people are testing each other’s theories, and over time, you learn from each other, because you are getting out of your own narrow point of view and having a broader perspective.
- Understand how the World Works. Shooting is fun. But you do not want to shoot blanks. If you want your affirmations and assertions to be so valid they get acted upon, it is essential to understand the environment in where we operate: silly people who would disagree on everything without regard for common sense or reason. Individuals with no regard for civility and the idea of treating one another with dignity and respect regardless of our differences. Ours is a world where if everyone is for it, you also must be for it, lest society labels you as an outcast and a social misfit. With an understanding of the dynamics in our social world comes various ways that can be used to let your opinion matter, to express yourself.