At some moment in the life of man, he would wish he were something or somebody else. The amounts of these wishful feelings would be profoundly overwhelming. Generally, we all would wish to be another version of ourselves. That is one universal characteristic of man—a wish of an average person with a disability who wishes they could hear, see or walk and stand with a near-perfect body. A wish of a non-disabled teenage girl who wishes she could have an oblong-shaped face, a pointed nose, and bulkier buttocks.
“We are all wishful thinkers”, wrote Roberts, et al in a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies, Psychological Bulletin, Journal of Personality & Social Psychology.
There is nothing wrong with that.
However, it becomes potentially harmful and self-destructive when in excess—when we become bloated with a morbid desire to change our physical self to one, other than what nature had determined for us to be. It becomes harmful when having a wild wish to change our disabled selves to something other than the shape nature had determined that we were going to take. It is so ‘self-robbing’ when we put our life on hold for so long waiting for the time we begin to see again, to hear again, to stand again and walk again.
That is very dangerous.
The assertion “Once you are deaf, you are deaf forever, by my friend, Chidi Olujie, NNAD National President, might be just so TRUE anyway. Well, once you are disabled, you are, forever may also hold true. Wouldn’t it?
Looking back on my life, it took me a life-changing experience before I realized how blessed my life had been. But I would never have realized these abundant amounts of potentials in myself and my exceptionalism were I eternally bent on trying to change my physical disability to non-disabled.
Today, as a Deaf person (I would cringe at the thought of being called Deaf, let alone admit it proudly myself), after many years of living in self-denial, I usually—during those normal moments of blues– wonder why it would take me quite a while to come to terms with my own disability. That’s what’s made me a better person. It’s empowered me in a whole of ways.
I hated to realize that I was deaf. I did not want to be Deaf.
Late Poet Maya Angelou once said, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, don’t complain.”
Behold, for people with disabilities, it is time to stop a life of wishful thinking—a life that kicks and whines, and says, “How can I be disabled. No way.”
Relax. How can you not be?
While it is my belief that there’s nothing ordinary about the events that happen this life, trying so hard to manipulate things to your own advantage or desire is just dangerous. You are going to get burned—by yourself. That fact there is nothing natural about nature speaks so loud to the idea that you let go and let things take shape—by itself.
Studies have shown that there is a growing desire among young people with disabilities to deny their status. This lack of speedy acceptance on the part of a number of people with disabilities is due to the level of an individual’s self-awareness. The higher the level of self-awareness, the longer it takes you to accept and fully embrace your disability, asserted Gloria Campbell-Whatley at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, U.S.
If you have just suffered from a physical disability or a sensory impairment—due to an accident or illness, Relax! Let go! Do not try to change the situation—no, not right now. If you have just lost your limbs from an accident or illness and you are wondering how long this is going to last because you cannot be in this situation for long, again I advise, relax!
People with disabilities have robbed themselves of unlimited blessings and opportunities that would deservedly be theirs if we could just momentarily accept whatever life may have thrown at us. Rather, what we do is, we whine, kick, all in a bid to have ‘this situation’ turned around, right now, right away.
That’s sadly a mistake, a costly one at that.
When this writer reflects on the trajectory of his life–when I look back on my life, it took me so many precious years before I came to terms with what had happened to me. But why would it have taken me that much time? Why would I put my life on hold for some imaginary solution?
I do not know. I do not have an answer to this reflection question.
I certainly knew that I wasn’t ready for acceptance. “That just wasn’t happening”.
I’d muse to myself.
Perhaps, my narrow-mindedness, my bull-headedness, and my well-kept arrogance would never let me experience the blessings Nature had in store for me. If only I could just let go, relax for a while, and see what life wanted me to see—to see the treasures in this supposed darkness—of how Nature could help me use my situation constructively.
I failed. That probably never should have happened. Maybe, it should nonetheless.
Certainly, it was unacceptable. Now it’s time for the community to change this mindset. It’s time we’re set free. It is time we break out of our shells and let the world see us—our shame and imperfection. It is through this ‘coming out’ that we can begin to realize the enormous potentials that lie within each one of us in the Disabled Community.