FIVE CONSEQUENCES OF UNASSERTIVENESS FOR THE DISABLED

Today, Fikemi is a 23-year-old woman with visual impairment and speech difficulty. Long ago, when she was a child, she was only legally blind, with way above average intelligence- far superior to the intelligence of her peer. In childhood, Fikemi was often punished for expressing anger; neither was she given a chance to engage in a play or discussion with her sighted friends and neighbors. But when she took part in social activities and disagreed with something that she had heard, her mother would drag her aside by the collar of her dress and scold her not to “speak so loud again”, adding “they would never take you seriously because you are unable to see the things they do in this environment.” This went on for years.

At 15, in primary 6, Fikemi grew increasingly anxious and suffered chronic depression. Unable to talk, eat or sleep, Fikemi completely shut down and would cry for hours. Afraid of the unknown, her mother took her to the hospital; but the doctor was unable to find out what was wrong with the teenage girl who was said to be in “great physiological health.” Overtime, fikemi’s condition decomposed and she went completely dumb- unable to speak.

Today, Fikemi is multiple-handicapped- incapable of seeing and speaking. Her love for relationships, for dialog and for music had gone completely away- thanks indeed to her mother who had trained her to be unassertive. Obviously, Fikemi’s mother was not aware of the distinction between recognizing anger and inappropriately expressing anger. Neither was she aware of the difference between expressing one’s unique beliefs and aggressively expressing disagreeing concerns. Consequently, she punished both, causing many of Fikemi’s feelings to go underground and make her to deteriorate cognitively and psychosocially.

There are many similar scenarios like that. As said in my previous article on assertiveness, for the regular persons, the consequences of unassertiveness are great, BUT even greater for individuals with disabilities.

Here are a few potential dangers of not having the courage to speak up, to strut up, to respectfully disagree, to validate your opinions in the midst of a sea of others.

1. Unassertiveness damages self-confidence: Nothing worthwhile can be achieved without a unique belief in your own uniqueness. Lack of courage for self0expressin, for self-assertion, for self-affirmation and action destroys self-worth, self-esteem, self-efficacy. Assert yourself and build your self-confidence.

2. Unassertiveness makes you feel less of a human: To feel like a true human being, it is essential to be assertive- in action, and in words, in deeds, in senses and perception, as well as in values and principles. one of the greatest innate capacity of man is capability for self-expression- our ability to choose a path, a course of action, to determine our own destiny, and to stand up for ourselves when nobody is able to.

3. Unassertiveness may cause functional ‘disability: a functional disability may not be readily definable. A disability that is not explainable by any identifiable organic, bodily damage is said to be functional. There are individuals who are awfully sick, or impaired, but whose conditions are not pharmacologically diagnosed- doctors cannot just investigate the problem with them. Suppression of our feelings and lack of self-awareness could be a significant cause of functional disability or condition.

4. Unassertiveness causes depression: Depression is an increasingly growing concern among all population segments- the majorities and minorities, the higher class and the lower class, the disabled and non-disabled, teenagers and adolescents, including adults and elderlies. Although unknown of the cause, chronic inability to express our anger, our honest feelings can cause accumulation of ill-feelings and damaged self-esteem- entities that have been found to cause major depression in individuals.

5. Unassertiveness makes an enormous loser: if you are not assertive and affirmative of your own opinions and feelings, you are going to be losing very big. You would lose deals, lose great friends, lose opportunities and lose relationships that all should be leveraged for advancement. And need it be said to you, unassertiveness would eventually incapacitate you- in a whole lot imaginable ways.

We may live in an era now where every contradictory opinion, a tiny slip of tongue is instantly touched by individuals, social media to such ridiculous levels of hysteria that mere explanation or justification of our decision and action is not enough, nevertheless, suppressing our inner feelings and ideas would do a lot more damage to ourselves than it would if we decide to speak up and actively participate in the madness and euphoria of it all.

What has the series of articles on self-assertiveness taught you? Do you have anything to share with us regarding expressing ourselves without regard to maltreatment or criticisms?