One Year After: Tribute To Best Mother

By Joy Bolarin (Founder, Jibore Foundation)

In this life there will always be some valuable people around us. We tend to appreciate these rare gems more when they are no more with us. They leave behind a huge vacuum at their departure.

My mother in-law, late Mrs. Mary Bolarin is one of such unforgettable people in my life.
Today, it’s exactly one year since you left us, and your memory remains fresh.

As a physically challenged lady married to her first son and confidante (before our marriage) I found myself wondering how life will be after marriage. Alas, those worries were unnecessary for mama easily let her beloved first strength off her apron strings to give our marriage maximum support.

What amazes me most about this amazing mother-in-law was how she readily embraced me as her own daughter. Soon after marriage, Mama preferred to pass through me to request things from her son. Funny enough, it got to a point where hubby, unaware of discussions between myself and mama will joke that we are closing deals behind him. We heartily laughed it off.

Mama was a very supportive mother. She stood by me and my husband in times of crisis. She was a strong succor during challenging times.

There’s this unique thing about mama: she will never complain about you. However she takes time to correct and tell you the exact thing to do and how to do it correctly. Mama was a rare gem.

Mama was peaceful, she was patient, she was prayerful. It was mama’s prayers that used to wake up myself and her grand children during our birthdays. We miss her sorely.

Mama had an extraordinary capacity to endure family challenges while at same time uniting all her children.

Mama was very tolerant and accommodating. She embraced persons with disabilities during her life time. She never discriminated against them. People who were rejected sought refuge in mama and felt loved.

This tribute will not be complete without mention of a lesson of life I learnt from mama as a newly married lady, 17 years ago.

That day, I was in the family house, cooking in the kitchen when one of the elderly women in compound entered the kitchen to take hot coals with which to start a fire for her own cooking. She went away with almost all the coals from my fire. Those who grew up in the village understand this practice better. I was so furious with such behavior and went inside to report to my mother-in-law.

I told mama that I was going to confront this woman for her rude behavior in almost emptying my fire with my cooking yet undone. My mother inlaw calmed me down. She advised against doing such. Mama pointed out that I would do better if I directed the energy I will use to fight an elderly woman (whether she was right or wrong) to adding more wood in the fire to rekindle it so my cooking will sooner be done.

Mama, in her wisdom and matured judgment pointed out that there are two sides to the elderly woman’s action: She either did it ignorantly or intentionally – to make trouble.

Mama therefore concluded that it is better to let sleeping dogs lie because not all battles are worth one’s attention.

In mama’s words, I should learn to let go because sometimes it does more good over looking certain things than using direct confrontation. That was a life time lesson I learnt from Mama – and it has helped me much in life.

Here’s a wise advice for ladies out there who are afraid of mothers-in-law: “Mothers-in-law are a great treasure. All you need to do is pray to have a good one because she will be prove a strong back-bone for your own family.

In conclusion, I want to encourage other mothers-in-law out there to emulate this good example of a loving and caring Mother-in-law who has left an indelible mark for the positive reasons.